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I am Eric’s Wife. I am also mother to two teenagers on the very cusp of adulthood, the founding director of Scripture from the Heart, an avid world watcher, bold and insecure at once. I serve a merciful God and I love a guy who makes my knees weak. This is where I write about it all.  Thank you for reading!

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Looking Awful, Feeling Bold

July 10, 2020

According to people who have seen me lately, I look awful. And, it’s not “you need a nap” awful, no, it’s “Can I call someone? Why did you leave your house?” awful. I appreciate the concern, even though it hurts my feelings. I don’t love making announcements on a blog, but it feels warmer than Facebook, even as it is more sterile than in person. Forgive the medium.

The reason I look awful lately is because I feel awful. The relapse that hospitalized me back in February let up for a few months, but it is still going on and is getting a little bit worse every day. I have three lesions on my brain and one on my spine. My symptoms seem related to the spine and some to cognitive function.

Next week I am meeting with my neurologist and having another MRI. This meeting and MRI is to confirm what I’m feeling in my body and to discuss what’s next. I’ll be discussing that information in further detail on my health related blog.

News aside, this is not my health related blog, but my health has certainly colored my view of the world since we been throttling through 2020. I have been given a front row seat to the reality some are only seeing for the first time. “Normal life” is an illusion that never existed. A life without peril never existed. We have all, always, been living our lives on the very brink of disaster every day from the moment of birth until we die. It has always been the truth, but 2020 seems to be a big ol’ highlighter.

So, if you are new to life as a roller coaster that never ends, welcome!! If you are sad to hear that it never ends, do try to keep up. The roller coaster will not stop for you to straighten your hat. You can take a moment to adjust your hand on the rail, but be prepared for the rail to suddenly disappear.

Through my 2019 and 2020 I have been made to (by principal of church obligations, not personal piety) memorize and meditate on the words of Micah, James, and John. I have memorized most of Micah, all of James, and almost all of 123 John. This work is what has saved my sanity in this storm. I tell all of my friends and strangers to memorize Scripture. I believe it is imperative now more than ever.

Fear does us no good in this climate. I see fear everywhere. I confront it personally with some people and have heard the response that some fear is reasonable. Hear me: NO FEAR IS REASONABLE. Perfect love casts out fear. John told me that and I believe it.

I’m not on my death bed, but do please hear me from my fainting couch. I only know to consider it all joy when I face trials of various kinds because I meditated on the words of James. Reading is fine, but you’re really only skimming the Word if you aren’t meditating on it. 2020 needs Word meditaters and believers. Currently we have more news meditaters than Word meditaters and it shows.

One response to “Looking Awful, Feeling Bold”

  1. Cheryl S Leverett says:

    Oh my; this is so awesome. Praying for your health, your strength, and your courage. And when you need reinforcement, asking God to send his angels quickly. What a blessing to know you and be inspired by you. Love you.

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