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I am Eric’s Wife. I am also mother to two teenagers on the very cusp of adulthood, the founding director of Scripture from the Heart, an avid world watcher, bold and insecure at once. I serve a merciful God and I love a guy who makes my knees weak. This is where I write about it all.  Thank you for reading!

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My 12th Nearly 3 Hour MRI

January 29, 2020

I’ve always thought it would be fun to write out an MRI experience and I finally did it.
Maybe some of you have never been in an MRI for your brain or spine, so let me set the scene:
The MRI machine is housed in a room that looks like something from Star Trek. MRIs use powerful magnets, and I am made to wear a hospital gown because, according to the tech, the nylon in my Wal-Mart pj pants would disrupt images. The machine looks like a big boat with a long skinny flat board jutting out like a tongue. I lay down on the board and they place a cage over my face, that rests on my nose, holds my ears, and keeps me locked in place for the duration. I am given an earpiece through which they can play my choice of music from Pandora and a little bulb that looks that the end of turkey baster. I am to squeeze this bulb if I feel like I need to be released from my cozy little hole that is just like a coffin but it does you no good to think of it like that.
I request Hillsong worship music, had a brief chat with the radiologist about her recent vacation (Girl had FUN), and then I slowly roll deeper into the machine. Some MRIs have mirrors set up inside on an angle so you can see the room outside. This machine does not have mirrors, so I settled in for a nice couple hours staring at the cage and ceiling, just inches from my face. There was a couple splashes of dirt on that ceiling. I told myself it was dirt. I mean, I cannot imagine how those brown splashes of dirt got there, but I stared at it long enough to develop an opinion.
MRIs use sound waves and magnetic waves. The sound waves have many exciting settings, all very loud and slightly chest rattling.

Here’s my MRI experience:

Hillsong: You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fa…
MRI: Duuuuuuuuun Duuuuuuuuuun Du Du Du Duuuuuuuuuuuuuun (repeat 12 times)
Hillsong: Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stro…
MRI: Goooooooooooooonk Goooooooooooooooonk Gonk Gunk Gonk Gunk Gonk Gunk
After about thirty minutes of this, the board I was laying on was slid deeper into the machine and the movement pulled the earpiece out. If I ask to have it fixed, that might add twenty minutes to this ride, so I settled on my own thoughts with the MRI as my soundtrack.
“Welp, I guess I could go through the book of James.”
“Count it all joy, brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness…”
“Boy, James, that will preach.”
MRI: Knocka knock, knocka knock, knocka knocka knocka knock, knockknockknockknockknock
“Do not be deceived, brothers, every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from above, coming from the Father of heavenly lights, in whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
MRI: Bonk, Booooooooonk, Bonk Bonk Bonk, Boooooooooonk
(I finished James. It takes about 18 minutes to recite, so I was glad to have that little bit of time awareness.)
“Hmm. Did I just hear a door? I wonder if someone is coming to get me out? Oh look! The table is moving! I am sliding back do…”
MRI: Pew, pew, pew, peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
“Oh, I guess we were just getting a better view and only moved a few inches. Hmm. Oh look, that dirt spot is gone. I’m glad not to see that anymore. It kinda looks like blood, but I’m just going to think it’s mud somehow. How one earth would blood get up there like that anyway? I should spend the next five minutes trying to imagine all the scenarios.”
MRI: Knocka knock, knocka knock, knocka knocka knocka knock, knockknockknockknockknock
“Oh boy. I’m about to be sick. I have got to stop thinking about that spot on the ceiling. How about Jonah? That’s 12 minutes. Let’s see, The Word of the LORD came to Jonah, son of….woah. I just realized that if the electricty suddenly turns off and zombies are out there destroying everybody, I am going to be locked in this machine and unable to scooch out. I should spend at least ten minutes imagining all the way this could happen and what would become of me.” (Never finished Jonah.)
MRI: Bonk, Booooooooonk, Bonk Bonk Bonk, Boooooooooonk
“Oh boy!!! We are moving again!! We ar… oh. Just two inches up for a different view. Hello brown spot that is definitely not blood from a zombie attack inside this machine that happened while the person’s feet helplessly…”
Radiologist: I’m going to pull you out now to put contrast dye in your IV so we can get new images. You are doing a great job.
She pulls me out, leaving my head in the cage and in the machine, exposing only enough of me out of the machine so she can get to the IV in my arm. I ask about the earpiece, she tries to fix it. It doesn’t work, but I am ready to finish, so back in I go.
“She is really nice. I hope the zombies don’t get her. Sigh. Zombies. Where do I get this stuff?”
MRI, having found a new voice: Drill bit at the dentist sound right in your ear! Drill bit at the dentist sound right in your ear! Drill bit at the dentist sound right in your ear!
“I think I might flip out. I can’t even tell where my feet are. Dear God, please wrap this up quickly before I squeeze this little emergency ball in my hand and make her pull me all the way out.”
Radiologist: This series will only take about 15 minutes and then we will be done. You are doing great.
“Oh good. 15 minutes. I should try Ruth. That’s 19 minutes long.”
“In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land. And a man from Bethl…what is that!? I am hearing voices in the room. There’s a man in there and he’s talking real loud to the radiologist. What is he do…”
MRI: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz BzzzzzzBzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“I think that man was in there to fight the zombies. I bet that’s exactly what happened. I knew it. Great. I wonder if I can somehow loosen this cage on my…”
MRI: Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Squee Squee Squee Squee
“I really am about to lose it. It’s been two and a half hours and I am just done. Please, zombies, come and get me. Just make it fast.”
Radiologist: All done. I’m just going to leave you in there for a minute so I can check the images.
Me: Oh, that’s fine. I’m good.
“If she takes more than two minutes to look at those images, I’m just going to climb on out of here.”

And that’s it. My 2 hour, 45 minute MRI experience for your enjoyment.

5 responses to “My 12th Nearly 3 Hour MRI”

  1. Deb says:

    Wow – Great commentary ! Helpful to everyone when their time comes to have this experience. Keep writing!! Love you!!!

  2. Norma Dowd says:

    So lovely to have you recite scripture as you go through this. Now, the zombie part. Not a fan, but I love reading everything you write, so, keep going, hugs my dear Amy.

  3. Tammy Richert says:

    You painted the portrait very well! Next time you have got to bring MS. Valium along for the ride, it makes the whole thing much more bearable 😁

  4. Susan Peisker says:

    That has to be the best description of an MRI that I’ve ever heard. That music thing just doesn’t work, does it? Ha ha I am in awe of your patience and upbeat attitude. God is so good, but so is your faith in Him!

  5. Tracey says:

    “Drill bit at the dentist sound right in your ear! Drill bit at the dentist sound right in your ear!” That would SO be me! LOL. Made me seriously LOL. 🙂 And that muddy mark would have bothered me as well. Love and prayers, my dear friend!

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