Over the last 14 years my multiple sclerosis has changed course from relapsing/remitting to secondary progressive.  This makes it hard to say how it has changed day to day, but I can look back over the last year and see how things have progressed.  Last year I was able to walk the half a mile to the grocery store and home again with forty pounds of groceries on my back.  Now I cannot imagine walking all the way down the block.  

This does not bother me as much as some might think.  I just see it as the way things are.  I accepted long ago that this was my lot and that’s just how it is.

This leads me to why the scooter I recently received is such an unexpectedly awesome gift.  While I had accepted that I was less moblie, I had no clue just how much it had negatively impacted my little family.  It turns out that if Mama’s not walking, nobody’s walking.  My children have missed out on those exciting walks to the store filled with adventure.  We had stopped going ANYWHERE at all, in fact.  When we did go out, I would put an end to all the fun about thirty minutes in because I needed to sit.  

Since receiving this scooter, our lives have changed dramatically for the better.  We now take nightly strolls as a family again. I can make it to the store and back with no problem and I even have a cute basket to put my groceries in.  Eric and I used to love to go window shopping and this activity has been returned.  I would wager that I have put at least 5 miles on this thing in the first week alone.  The kids are so happy to be back to walking and getting to enjoy the dedicated alone time with Eric and I.

An unexpected side effect of having the scooter is that I have more energy at home than before.  Would you believe that I cleaned out my closet AND my refrigerator in the SAME day?  I feel as though I have been given a whole new way to function and there are no words I can find to express my undying gratitude.

Last Friday Sarah called and asked me if the kids and I would like to join her for play group at the park.  She calls me almost every Friday and invites me and my knee jerk reaction almost every Friday is “No”.  This time my answer was, “No… wait…would you mind if I took my scooter?”  This particular play group boasts a few members who own their own photography business.  One thing led to another and I can now offer, for your entertainment and especially that of my scooter gifter, some pictures of me enjoying the day.  

All pictures are courtesy of Nicole at with Cutie Pie Photography.

The mink was a Christmas gift from my dear mother-in-law. I feel like the scooter neutralizes the mink and lessens the odds that I’ll be doused in paint by a Peta member. Who’s going to dump paint on a lady on a scooter? That’s just poor taste.
To whomever it was that listened to the Spirit telling them to send a scooter my way: Thank you from me, my family, and all my friends who enjoy my company. May God bless you richly as He has me.

Some of you may have followed the comment thread on my last post and noticed that an anonymous person offered to buy me a scooter.  I thought you all, and certainly the kind gift giver, would like to know that it has arrived!  I’m so excited about this that I just can’t find the words.  Give me a few days and there will be pictures and indeed some thoughts.  This is just so cool.

For now, I’d like to share some posts with you from my archives where I’ve talked about being on God’s radar.  This is certainly one of those days.

On Flip Flops and Radar

My Rock Collection

Bloom Where You Are

Who’s a Merry Homemaker?

Where’s Today’s Post?

About two months ago I started to experience the symptoms of a Multiple Sclerosis relapse.  I kept thinking that it would subside soon enough and I could get back to my regular self.

It just hasn’t happened and I want to share with you some of my thoughts about that.

I have known for as long as I’ve known about the MS that it could get worse.  I would be lying if I told you that I am one hundred percent at peace with that reality.

After many years of walking unaided, I recently took advantage of Wal-Mart’s courtesy scooter.  It was a really big deal to me.  I have always figured that such a thing was akin to giving up hope of returning to normal.

Since then, I have given up walking outside my home, except when necessary.  I see the benefit that it is to my family that I save energy.  I am still able  to prepare meals, clean my home, school the children, and be available to Eric.

Suddenly, not walking makes sense.

Can I be honest and tell you that I HATE that it makes sense?  I hate that it makes sense that I should have special parking and fat handled toothbrushes and low heeled, sensible shoes and plastic cups.  I hate that I have now fantasized about getting my own scooter.

There are a lot of reasons that I wanted to be so honest about how I feel about this.  I have a good attitude because I have responsibilities that require me to.  But sometimes people mistake a good attitude for feeling good and happy with circumstances.  I do not feel good and I am not happy with my circumstances.

I wanted you to know because this spell has affected my ability to write freely without a lot of effort.  My thoughts are jumbled and it is hard to get them out in a way that doesn’t leave me hitting “backspace” or “select all” and “delete”.  I have decided that I should make my blogging absence official.

I figure I’ll post some of my archives on occasion and still pop in here and there, but I think it is better if I just go ahead and bow out for the most part.

Thank you all for your patience while I hemmed and hawed about this.  I hope to get back someday in the not too distant future.

In the meantime, I would like to leave you with one last piece of advice from Eric’s Wife.  Whenever I face anything like this and I start to feel a bit anxious, I just adopt my “Whateverdude, Jesus is ABSOLUTLEY coming back for me” Attitude.  WA, for short.  A Whateverdude Attitude is how I roll.  Unless I’m on a scooter, and then that’s how I roll.

I’m having a log jam of blog post ideas after so long away.  Log jams make it impossible to jump right back in, so I am going to just give you a random, unnumbered list of things that pop into my head to see if we can’t get things to come in a more orderly pace.

Facebook is weird.  On one hand, I think it is awesome for finding people I never thought I’d see again in my life.  On the other hand, I think it totally stinks that I can find people that I never thought I’d see again in my life.  Am I over my ex-boyfriends and THRILLED with my husband?  Yes.  Am I over the ripping out my heart and stomping on it while it was still beating before my eyes?  *gulp* maybe.

We spent nearly a month away from our home visiting family in Kansas and Wisconsin.  While away, Ian learned to read and both kids learned to sled.

My Grandma has always been a very independent woman.  When Grandpa retired from Santa Fe railroads, she retired from homemaking.  They split the chores and his retirement check.  Her known independence as a woman made it all the more shocking to me to witness her metamorphosis into a widow.  Her independence was borne of his love for her.  Lacking him, she is lost for a bit.  She will be found, but she will be changed.

My dear mother-in-law gave me a beautiful mink that once belonged to her.  It is so very warm and soft.  And covered in dead minks.  I am a woman conflicted.  Not really.  I’ll still wear it.  I look good in fur.

Ian lost his first tooth and insisted on a big boy, non-mohawk, hair cut in the very same week.  I am feeling a bit sad about both events.

I enjoyed having my kids hundreds of miles away from this neighborhood for a while.  Guarding their minds and hearts is a primal thing for me and this neighborhood has me on near constant alert.  It was a relaxing month on that front.

Mackenzie got a cupcake making kit for Christmas.  She has made one cupcake and it wasn’t for me.  After all I’ve done for her…

Charlie spent the month with my parents and their dog, Sparky.  It will be sad to separate them.  They make quite a duo of small dog fluff and hyper activity.

…

That should do for now to help get things moving.  Ever had a log jam in your brain?

Eric and I have spent the last few weeks in Wisconsin visiting his family with the kids.  I said we are in Wisconsin.  Do you have any idea how cold it is here?  This morning’s wind chill was -35.  Just a bit breezy for this Texan.

While we’ve been here, Eric and I have listened to a lot of radio broadcast Christmas music.  We love the classics, but some of the new stuff is just awful.  I asked Eric this morning what standard was used to determine if a song was fit for Christmas play.  He answered that if the word “Christmas”, “Santa” or “snow” is used it’s a done deal.

The result of that conversation is yet another Top Ten list put together by the two of us.  These are ten song titles that we believe would be played based solely on their implied Christmas message.

10.  Did You Refill My Paxil?  It’s Christmas

9.  All I want for Christmas is My Self Respect

8.  Hide the Silver, Santa’s on His Way

7.  Cigarette Burns on My Stocking

6.  Snow Makes Santa Sad

5.  Bail Me Out This Christmas

4.  Wrapping Paper Paper Cuts

3.  Christmas Means Hurt Feelings

2.  The Second Thoughts of Mrs. Claus

(Number One is my personal favorite.)

1.  It’s Not Christmas ‘Til You’ve Punched a Kitten

This is an excerpt of a post from my archives.  I felt it worth remembering this thought.

Those poor Israelites. So much of what we know about their journey from slavery to freedom is wrought with all kinds of trials that begged them to ignore God’s hand on their lives. Exodus 15:22 finds them in the moments after Pharaoh and his armies were swallowed by the Red Sea right on their heels.

Surely at least some of the Israelites looked upon the gurgling bubbles of drowning soldiers and said, “God is for us”. Surely they would not doubt His sovereignty after such a great rescue.

Their backs to the bubbles, they walked on. In the hot, hot sun. For three days. No water. So. Thirsty.

And then finally, Marah. Water.

Can you just imagine how their eyes must have bulged a bit as they swallowed hard on their parched and swollen tongues at the sight of water? I bet they ran. I bet there was much laughter and even a bit of skipping as they jumped in and splashed about in the first reprieve of water they had seen since the Red Sea.

I’m not sure how it looked, but I imagine that one man scooped a nice handful of water up to his mouth and perhaps took a moment to let his distended tongue take in the sweet, sweet…

Gak! Spewing out the water, he raises his hands and alerts the others, “This water is bitter! We can not drink it!”.

Crushed.

How is this possible? Is God not aware that He has led us to bitter water? Did we follow the wrong pillar? We at least had water for our babies in Egypt. We have been led here to die. Why must our darkest moment conceive an even darker one?

Still so thirsty, the Israelites do the only dignified thing they know to do: they complain to Moses.

Moses takes their complaints to his best girlfriend and he tells her that the water is bitter and the people are whiny. His best girlfriend then takes the complaints to her mother and her mother sits down to the computer to blog about how dreadful it is that the water is bitter and the people are whiny.

Wait.

They didn’t have blogs back then.

And also? Moses didn’t piddle around with his best girlfriend. He went straight to God about the bitter water.

God directed Moses to a tree and Moses threw the tree into the water. The water became sweet and the people were saved. They were saved by Jehovah-Rapha, the God who heals you.

Sometimes we have to drink in the bitter before we can know what the sweet tastes like. Sometimes God will actually lead us to the bitter waters and this will be a moment when we are given the choice to decide what we believe.

Has God led you here to meet your death? Will you be left exposed in your shame? Does God not intend to fix what is destroyed?

You cannot answer those questions with authority until you have tasted the bitter.

Will He leave you exposed in your shame?
No.  Believe this.

Will He leave you here to die?
No. Own this.

Praise God for the bitter waters you cross. Praise Jehovah-Rapha for the healing we received from the tree. We only know the sweet because we have tasted the bitter.

He’s gone.

Under a beautiful quilt, with my Grandma cradled at his side and resting peacefully, Howard Dean Dodd is gone.

When things settle a bit, I want to tell you all about this fine man.  Right now we grieve and praise God that grief knows an end.

Thank you all for your prayers and words of comfort.

I’ll be back shortly.

I have been very hesitant to write this because we just don’t know anything and I was hoping that I could muster up a great post about something really funny or deep before I had to even bring it up.  Lacking anything I could use for filler, please bear with me while I continue to use my blog as a church bulletin.

Grandpa has returned to a touch and go status.  He is now being made comfortable and there is a do not resuscitate order in place.  Eric and I are making plans to head up to Kansas.  Please remember all of us at this time in your prayers.

We have not given up on our miracle.

We have not given up on our miracle.

We have not given up on our miracle.

If the last one made you smile, you’ll love this one.  My Aunt Teresa just sent this to me:

Grandpa had a great day! He’s talking now that they have the ventilator out. He’s even teasing! One of the nurses asked him to wiggle his toes one foot at a time. He didn’t respond and the nurse asked him again a little louder, “Howard did you hear me? Wiggle the toes on your left foot.” He responded, “I don’t want to!” But then he grinned and wiggled his toes! So exciting, just this wiggling of toes!!! God turned things around in the blink of an eye!

I just got word that Grandpa is awake and responsive.  Things looked so bleak and dark all week and today the sun has reappeared.

He knows his name, Grandma’s name, and even had the where with all to introduce himself to the nurse.

Praise God always, in want or plenty.  Today we praise Him in plenty and we rejoice that Howard Dean Dodd has been returned to us.

Thank you all for praying and please continue.