For about three years after I had kids I was very skinny. There is no way to explain it, except that I just didn’t gain weight. I didn’t do it deliberately, I simply found myself always hovering around a size 0 or 2.
It was during these “lean” years that Eric and I had more spending money than people with our former budgeting skills should be allowed to have. We were planning a really nice date night/celebration of our stoopid new found riches and I went to the Guess store to buy my skinny self a fancy new expensive outfit.
I wore it for that date and then it hung in the closet, only revisited a couple of times. And then again this past Saturday night when my good friend Cat offered to keep the kids for us so Eric and I could go on a date.
Being that we are a good deal more frugal these days, I haven’t purchased new clothes with the same frequency I once did. Most of my clothing is second hand and there are few items I would classify as “nice”.
It made good sense to wear my super nice (and kind of sexy) outfit out on a date with my man. Even if three years and my size 6-8 body had changed the way it fit significantly.
Everything was going just fine. Eric and I were having a lovely evening. We got the best parking spots. Best seats in the movie theater. No waiting anywhere. It was marvelous.
The only monkey wrench in our evening came when I pulled out my rifle and shot and maimed a perfectly innocent fourteen year old boy, right in front of his mother.
I didn’t even know the gun was loaded until I saw the kid’s eyes after he was hit.
I debated my outfit before we left our home. I walked in front of the mirror more than once and asked myself, “Is it too much?” This outfit which once hung on my skeletal figure now kind of seriously clung to every curve. I knew it was sexy, but I justified it by the world’s standard. I told myself that I had seen girls in much skimpier clothing at the mall, or even church on some days (sheesh, ladies). The fact that my outfit wasn’t as “tarty” as some others made me decide that it was okay to wear out.
You would think I would be too mature for such childish reasoning being that I am a grown woman of thirty years of age. And you’d be wrong. It gets so much more immature than this. This is just the level of immaturity I choose to blog about to the whole dubbya dubbya dubbya.
So there I am, walking around the movie theater in the middle of Batman, desperate for a bathroom when I catch the eye of a fourteen year old looking boy who was talking to his mother. I smiled at him. He smiled at my chest. His cheeks burned red and he looked away with shame.
I may as well have shot a gun at him.
I determined before I left my home that I would present to the world something to incite lustful thoughts and I did it all the while with a long list of justifications. I deliberately put that kid in the position to decide if he was going to honor God or honor flesh. Young men and old men alike are put in that position at a maddening pace in this world.
It is a shame when they must suffer the blows from the friendly fire of sisters in Christ who don’t know (or even worse, care) that their guns are loaded.
I have repented my sin* of putting a deliberate stumbling block in the path of God’s people. Repented and thrown away my slinky number. Do any of you have anything in your closet that you have to ask yourself about? My new personal rule is very similar to my refrigerator rule: When in doubt, throw it out.
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* I was very deliberate about using the words “repent” and “sin”. I did not simply “make a mistake” and give my effort an “oops”. I sinned and I feel it necessary to call it what it is. The best part about owning the truth of what sin is, is also owning the truth of what repentence is.
Alyson says:
You threw it away??? I thought I was supposed to get hand-me-downs from you!
Thank you for saving me from the possibility of creating a completely different scenario: one in which I get laughed out of a public venue for pretending like I could pull off something sexy with my total lack of blush-inducing boobage. Ah, well. 
July 30th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Eric's Wife says:
I am but one woman, Alyson, but I pledge to do my part in the war on smut.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Chelsey says:
Amy,
Your transparency was inspiring. Thank you for this important reminder of holding ourselves accountable.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Cat says:
ah well, I’d love to say I was jealous just thinking about the ability to pull off a sexy outfit in public. the closest I get to sexy these days is simply “covered” to the relief of all. I wish I could even be impressed that you had the wherewithall to notice the impact you had on a stranger; it takes just about all my focus to figure out where I’m going, keep track of my child and the ticker-tape of things to do/purchase on a particular outing (I’m sure the obscene lack of date night is noticable in my experience). but, what I really have to say is I’m impressed with your commitment to values and your desire to walk your talk - even at the cost of throwing away (cough..gasp**)an awesome little number. Amen Sister!
July 30th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Sarah S. Chicken says:
I’m with you. You’ve convicted me to get rid of a few items that are “super cute” and “skinny” and fit me well, but everytime I wear them I wonder…
I may even have to get rid of the dress I wore this week to the wedding. It was SO CUTE but I kept looking down and wincing.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Theresa says:
This is so true. Thanks for writing this post. I recently experienced a similar thing but it was between me and God not a 14 year old.
V neck shirts are really cute. I just have to pay attention to how far they V down.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Heather Marshall says:
You should have saved it for date nights IN with the hubby!
But seriously, that is an awesome reminder… that just because we’re “old” (27!) and married doesn’t mean that modesty no longer applies to us.
I’m usually cautious with my clothes (mostly due to my own insecurities) but I’ve noticed I’ve become riskier in my married state… I think I’ll have to go re-evaluate my wardrobe. Thanks for the candor!!
July 30th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Natalie @ I AM (not) says:
As I’ve said before, always trying to hide the “girls”
July 30th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
deleise says:
I never thought much about this stuff until I had a teen boy of my own. And I agree about the church outfits…HELLOOOOO???
July 31st, 2008 at 8:34 am
Briana says:
Yup, my MIL referred to all of us(hubby’s girlfriends) as “hussies”. We sure didn’t think much about not wearing “stumblewear”(as my youth minister put it) when we were younger.
July 31st, 2008 at 9:05 am
Fave cousin Gina says:
Um yeah Damon and I are teaching the middle school class on Sunday morning….I like Briana’s “stumblewear”.
I am slightly jealous of the single digit numbers when referring to your size. First I would NEVER announce my size on my blog. Second, I left the single digits when I came into this world! We’ll say it’s because of my height
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:39 am