If you’ve lived in Texas long enough, you know that right about 9:15 is the best time to sit outside in the evening. Mosquitoes have calmed down a bit and the air is just about perfect. I really enjoy sitting on the porch for a good chat. There are no distractions and conversation seems to flow easier.
Eric and I got good and settled for one such chat just a few evenings ago. We were going over the incidentals of the day when I remembered a notice I received that afternoon.
“So, we got a notice from the apartment manager today.”
“Aww. I’m sorry, Baby. Is it the sunflowers? Cause I’ll fight ‘em for your sunflowers.”
“No. Actually, it turns out our lease is up in two months and it is time to either move out or sign another lease.”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that the notice had looked to me much like a graduation announcement. I saw it and realized that I was perfectly within reason to suggest we move. We moved here in a pinch. We had a business that every available dollar had to be sunk into. We made the decision to cut every corner we could and housing was one corner we cut to bits.
In the year since we moved here, we have walked away from the business with only the shirts on our backs and are now trying to rebuild from the ground up. This apartment has been a great place for us to cut costs and we are now able to look at loosening our budget just a smidge to allow for a bit of an upgrade.
Living on the second floor has been quite a chore for me. I climb up and down those stairs countless times a day. And now with the summer sun, I climb those concrete and iron steps in the sun’s full, unshaded glory. An upgrade means no more stairs.
Our current apartment is so tiny I can’t comfortably fit a dryer in the laundry closet without losing room for several other items like my vacuum, carpet shampooer, etc. An upgrade means I can get a dryer and finally stop the exfoliating scrub I get from my towels.
Right now my kids play with their friends on a big parking lot. It sure would be nice for them to have a yard. An upgrade would likely mean a yard to play in that is larger than the strips of grass between our apartment units.
And a final thought that nagged me and made me think it was time to go was all the work it takes to live here. Even if my own kids are gone for the day, I still have a houseful of kids to work with. I am waiting out a pretty slow moving and exhausting M.S. exacerbation right now. An upgrade would mean that I could have a chance to rest and get my bearings without kids coming out my ears.
I’m thinking all this just as Eric asks me a question I never thought in a million years I would have to hear, “What would you think about just staying here?”
We start to talk about just how that would work and whether or not we are as viable a neighborhood commodity as it sometimes feels. As we talk, seven year old Jay Jay comes walking up our stairs.
“Jay Jay! What are you doing out here? It’s 9:30!” Eric admonishes him, all the while knowing full well that Jay Jay is under pretty loose supervision and bedtime rules do not apply to him.
“I-I-I want to go to the Y wich you,” Jay Jay stutters out as he makes it to the top of the staircase.
“We aren’t going right now, it’s bedtime. But I promise you that when we go back, you will be with us. Okay, Jay Jay?” Eric continues talking to him about the last time we all went swimming and how much fun Jay Jay had.
We enjoy a ten minute visit with him about what’s going on in Jay Jay’s world before he is finally called to come in.
“Miss Amy, I love you. You too, Mister Eric,” Jay Jay says as he starts to head down the stairs.
Eric and I watch him as his tiny feet hit the last step.
Eric asks me again, “What would you think about staying here for another year?”
May 27th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
A tough conversation to have Amy. You bring such blessings to the children around you, and remember you are a professional.
But it does seem that you might need to share a little more about your personal difficulties/challenges with the hubbie. It’s all the little things which add up to big differences, such as no stairs, some downtime, and helpful appliances (like a dryer).
And I remember those lazy evenings outside when I lived in Texas. Best time of the day.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Keep this in mind, Miss Amy: no matter when you leave, you have made an incredible impact on all these children’s lives not only by being there for them, but for PARTICIPATING in their daily existence. They will always remember you. You have made a DIFFERENCE.
(P.S. You rock.)
May 27th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I appreciate your comment, Lisa. You know better than a lot of people what these stairs look like to me. This is one I am going to have think on a while. I’ll think of you tonight while I sit on my porch.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Husbands have really great (and sometimes hard) ideas. Ask me how we got seven children and live in the country? ; )
Praying for you, Amy.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Hmmm…I’m not God, so I don’t know what you are being led to do, but I just wanted to say that if you do decide that you need some space and room/time to breathe, I have a pretty good feeling that no matter where you are the kids will always know who you are. Kids in a neighborhood would be just as blessed by you as kids in the apartment complex.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
I hope that didn’t come off as going against Eric’s wishes because I would never suggest that. Just thinking out loud.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:10 am
That’s exactly where Eric and I are. A whole lot of thinking out loud. I’m so with you.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Could you get a downstairs apartment?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:07 am
I’m with Chris (above)…the first thing I wondered was whether you could get a bigger, downstairs apartment in the same complex?
I admire you so greatly. Hope that’s okay. ;o)
May 28th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
You are a treasure. When God leads you to your decision, walk through the door and don’t second guess yourself. I have a feeling you would bless the Kingdom even if you decided to buy a submarine and live underwater next year. I pray that you have joy in whichever path you take.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Okay, I will be the shallow one, move closer to me.
There, I said it.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I like Andi’s idea. Let’s both get submarines. That way, we can move whenever we want, almost where ever we want.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Um I’d rather have a tent than a submarine. Less water over my head.
And if you do move I know of some duplexes in my neighborhood that could use a Miss Amy.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
mmm, tough. I know through prayer that you will come up with the right thing.
May 30th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Hmmmm tough choices.
Many have said what I’m thinking. But I’ll just repeat them, anyway!
1. Keep praying! 2. Keep thinking out loud with Eric 3. NO MATTER where you lay your head at night Amy, you will be a blessing to so many…and God has angels on earth…everywhere…you have to take care of YOU, so that you can take care of “all your kids”. And last…but right up there with #1..”bloom where you’re planted”!! God bless u.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:36 am
gosh, i feel so uncool still having a blogger blog!
Amy, I am sorry to hear about the MS exacerbation. I will encourage you to do the best thing for your health, as well as your family. Wherever that may lead you. I saw the picture of the stairs – now those are stairs, baby.
I am sending much love your way.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:48 am
Blogger is sooo 2005, Trrish. Get with the program.
I really appreciate your comment. Aren’t those stairs hideous?