Dear Circle of Family and Friends,
You’re welcome.
For what?
I’ll tell you.
Every day I make sure to worry about the safety of every little thing your hands, or my hands, or -sakes alive!- my children’s hands may touch. I worry about bird flu, carbon monoxide poisoning, hidden brown recluse spiders, staph infection, flesh eating bacteria, and – on certain days, polio.
I firmly believe that my worry about such matters somehow balances the Universe and ensures that no person in my immediate circle will fall victim to any such illness, poison or spider bite.
My charity doesn’t stop there.
I also worry about what number plastic is the right number plastic and should we be getting our milk in glass bottles? I worry about flame retardant sleepwear, gates on swimming pools and proper locks on medicine cabinets.
I worry about safety. And surely my worry has netted some public good, hasn’t it?
Exactly.
My immediate assumption of all possible dreadful realities ensures that they will never actually occur.
You’re welcome.
It is exhausting, this burden of worry. But I bear it gladly for you, my friends and family. Now, go on you. Scamper away and enjoy your worry free life.
No need for fear or alarm. I have already worried myself with both fear and alarm and you are thus guaranteed that you can carry on with nary a worry.
Again, you’re welcome.
Your Humble and Worried servant,
Amy
PS
I’m terribly sorry if any of the links up there informed you of some danger you were not previously aware of and caused you to worry. Also, I am absolved of any future guilt for having worried you for having already taken this moment to worry that I may have worried you.
Whew! I’m glad I can quite worrying about all those germs on people’s hands when they touch my fragile baby boy…looks like you’ve got it covered! What will I do with all this free time now?
Can you add to your list of worries the risk of suicide for patients taking Singulair? I got home from the pediatrician last week where the doctor recommended it for Michaela (Caroline already takes it) and guess what was in my inbox? Yep, a warning that Singulair may cause suicidal ideations, via my father-in-law and the world wide web. If you could worry about that, it would be SOOOOOO helpful to me!
Kim, you are very welcome. Give your baby a germ free kiss from Miss Amy.
Alyson, done. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I saw Caroline listening to Nirvana and journaling fiercely. I can only assume it’s the Singulair depression of lore.
Wowee. I am so glad I NEVER worry about anything.
It’s about time! As I have resolved this year to worry about nothing, it’s good to know you have us covered.
I am just one person, but the greater good of many is worth the sacrifice of one.
Pardon whilst I shine my halo.
You worry too much!
Hunkle Lee
Aw, you’re just sore cause I quit worrying about your knees.