Nathan’s Heart for Confession

I did not write the following. My Mom kept a journal in the days that followed Nathan’s death and these are some of her thoughts about one of Nathan’s finest traits: His heart for confession.


One of the many lessons that Nathan taught me was honesty, honesty before our God and honesty with each other. His conscience would never let him live a lie. It still amazes me to this day.

Every Sunday morning I get up and put on my Sunday best so I can go to church and look at someone else’s Sunday best. We smile and greet one another “How are you?” “Good, me too” and take our places in our pews, sing, pray and go home. At home we walk into the secret world of a struggle with sin, pain and disappointment. Nathan’s conscience would never let him do this.

One Sunday morning Nathan was to lead prayer at service. He asked his brother Kevin to lead it. I thought it odd. It was later that I learned why. It seems that the night before he had partied with friends from school and he participated in activities that he knew was unbecoming to a Christian. He would not go before the congregation and lead a prayer dressed as a Christian on the outside; it had to be on the inside as well. If only we could take our sin as seriously as what he did.

He confessed to us that afternoon, and he told us that he would speak to his huddle group later that night. I wanted to protect him from the harsh judgment that could have been placed on him. I even had the nerve to say that he had confessed to us; that is all that needed to be done. But Nathan being Nathan taught me more about being honest about my own sin. He told us no way could he not confess to his peers at church. Every time he did something wrong he would confess it. His sin could never be used by Satan to drive a wedge between he and his God nor could Satan get the satisfaction of exposing the sin.

Nathan knew that looking clean does not make you clean. When we sin we have a tendency to be so disgusted with ourselves. Our plan of action becomes “putting on our Sunday best”, “I will clean myself up” or ” I will just stop doing ________” and no one will have to know how filthy I am. Satan loves this plan; he can do one or two things with it. Help keep it a secret until just the right time then expose it when it can hurt and destroy more than just one person. Or, he can help keep it festering in your heart until it grows like cancer destroying both body and soul. Yet, God calls us is to confess, repent (return to the higher place) stop ignoring the cancer. It will steal your joy in the Lord. God wants to perform surgery on our hearts and free us from the cancer within.

This is what Hebrews is saying in 4:12. “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, It penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” The Greek word for sword is “makaia” a tool used in various occupations such as a priest or surgeon. In the case of the priest, this tool is used to cut up the animal into parts, for the purpose of placing the carcass on the altar. It is different from the instrument used in slaughtering the animal. It is a tool not for the purpose of killing but for healing.

I love this picture, because Jesus is our high priest and our great physician. As a high priest, He pleads our case before God and as our physician he cuts the cancer caused by sin from our hearts. But before He can do this we must expose ourselves to the surgeon, lie naked on the altar before God as He performs open-heart surgery.

Then He can take our diseased heart and give us a heart tender toward His word full of life.
Being naked before God and our brothers\sisters takes courage because we know that in doing so means that others will see our flaws. I wish I could say that there will not be repercussions from the exposure but that would be a lie. Nathan knew that there were those that were leery of him and they would watch for signs of failure because of his struggles.

However most of the uneasiness came from adults not his peers. It was the adults that voiced most of their concerns not to him, but to others and it always got back to him, it stung but it did not stop him from being real before his God. He continued to confess his sin and I praise God for the peers in Nathan’s huddle group, they were the ones he trusted the most to help keep him accountable to God.

I will forever be grateful to his huddle group leaders (The Johnsons and Gideons) and every huddle group member that spoke and wrote words of encouragement to Nathan. These were the people that provided a safe place for him to bare his soul. He cherished every letter of encouragement from his huddle group leaders as well as fellow huddle classmates. All of the notes and letters were kept in a shoebox and traveled all over the world with him. Many of them are worn from reading and rereading these words of encouragement many times over.