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About Eric’s Wife

Some may say I am a "Stay at home Mom," but that is not even close. I am Eric's Wife. I have exhilarating strokes of genius, followed almost immediately by paralyzing pangs of self doubt and, for whatever reason, here is where I blog about it - warts and all. I serve a merciful God with a clumsy hand and at the end of each day I go to sleep thankful to be His servant and Eric's wife.

We’re On a Break

June 15, 2016


It’s been coming on for almost a year; starting right about the time I announced that I was going to write a book (for the eleventy millionth time, but seriously guys, this time I mean it, I’m going to write a book.)   I knew it was coming.  Every time I flipped my laptop open and clicked on that friendly blue icon, I knew it.

Facebook.  Oh, Facebook.  Facebook, you are 90 percent of the internet to me. Without you, I am a quick look at e-mail, glance at the headlines, and done for the day kind of internet user.  I see reports that the average woman spends 27 minutes a day on social media.  Such restraint.  I will never tell you how much time I spend on Facebook, but only that I am exceedingly above average.

While the kernel of thought about the cons of Facebook simmered in the back of my mind, someone took the snow globe that is America, gave it a good shake, and set it back upright.  There is not a corner of this country untouched by some sort of divisive chaos.  For many months Facebook looked to me like a crowded city street with people standing motionless on the sidewalks, each shouting their thoughts to no one and everyone.

And, while the sharing of ideas and opinions should always be encouraged, it seems to be more like it is now used to establish battle lines than it is to come to agreements or understanding.  “I’m not being divisive, you are!!”

When Planned Parenthood was exposed for selling baby body parts I was thrilled.  The undercover videos were a thousand times more damning than Blackfish (the documentary that is slowly taking down SeaWorld.)  Now that the truth was out, it would just be a matter of time before lights came on and everyone agreed that slaughtering infants was a code red kind of situation.  But, no.  When I posted the videos I found that I was one voice shouting amongst all the others, none listening, unless they agreed.  Minds are already made up.   Because of Facebook, I know that I can show a video of a PP admin discussing the method for extracting an infant heart intact to a church leader and get the unblinking response that PP is good for some things.  I’m shouting, he’s shouting, nobody is moving.

And then, the horrors of Orlando happened.  Dear God.  What horrors.  My sole thought was about the earth shattering senselessness of it, but the shouting demanded I say something.  I wrote and deleted several updates.  I knew that I could write something poetically touching, carefully worded, and packaged for consumption, but to what end?

I am sad about the massive loss of God-breathed life, knowing that each one shattered a thousand timelines.  In the hours after the deaths, we were allowed this ears ringing, shell shocked sadness.  I should have posted in that sweet spot.  But in the days after, the shouting began.

“The problem is guns, and if you disagree with me, I don’t have time for that.”

“The problem is not enough guns.  You are  moron pansy.”

“Won’t somebody think about the good Muslims who out number the radicals?”

“All Muslims are radical.  Your opinion is garbage.”

“Christians also hate Gays.  Let’s not forget how awful that is that Christians hate just like radical Muslims hate.”


People I love demanded I say something, while other people I love demanded I take a side.   Thinking back to the Planned Parenthood exposure, I remembered how much I wanted the people I love to take a side, and I remember my disappointment in the silence or, worse, the defense of the practice.   When I applied those feelings of hopeless advocacy to voicing my thoughts on yet another national tragedy, I stepped back.

I am supposed to write.  I know this, and as my fingers hastily backspaced over the last post I attempted on Facebook I knew that it was time I quit writing there for a good long while and write my stinkin’ book already.

I love you all.  Totally mean it.




Trumping Lucado, with all Due Respect

May 8, 2016

He just couldn’t be silent any longer.  Our political climate has been charged for several years, but the pitch recently became so shrill that Max Lucado finally had to say something.

Mr. Lucado has been a mature and sound source for pastoral care and wisdom for as long as I have known to seek one out.  I cannot recall a time when he has ever spoken out about politics, though he says there have been three times in more than forty years.  Because his is not a voice we are accustomed to hearing in the political talking points sphere, we all took a moment to listen.

His concern lays with the large number of Christians who have wholeheartedly gotten behind the political campaign of Donald Trump, seeming to believe Trump when he declares that he is a Christian.  The evidence Trump offers for his devout faith in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior is that he owns a Bible, among other equally compelling things.

Mr.Lucado, with grace and humility, carefully laid out the fruit that testifies against Mr.Trump’s declared piety, and it was all pretty damning.  It is not up to us whether or not someone is a Christian.  If they say they are, they are.  Now, when someone says that they are a Christian for the sole purpose of earning your trust, or your vote, then you need to give them a little side eye.  Special prudence is necessary for Christian leaders who choose to endorse, or publicly not endorse, political candidates.

I felt the weight of Mr.Lucado’s words and know that he carefully weighed each one before offering his thoughts.  I am thankful that he put his voice out there and got a conversation started in places where it may have never happened.

And then, I marveled at the abortion industry.

From the beginning of time, our Christian documents record an enemy who has haunted our infants.  In the time of Moses, it was the infant sons, Jezebel offered them on an altar to Baal, Herod slaughtered all males aged two and under.  This is not a new story to us.  Christians are well aware of our enemy’s blood lust for the youngest among us.

Yesterday’s altars have been replaced by today’s abortion clinics and child sacrifice has been cozily re-created to look like a gynecological procedure best kept between a woman and her physician.  What used to be blood stained rocks is now a simple office visit and a co-pay.  Our enemy has been ravenously active under the banner of “Reproductive Rights”, and Roe-v-Wade is his founding document.

I marvel at the abortion industry because they have taken this great and terrible violence and marketed it so well as a modern political talking point that our greatest of great Christian leaders remained silent for forty years when politicians said they were a Christian, waved a Bible, and then enthusiastically championed the death of life at its most fragile for any reason and up to the ninth month.  Even as Christians line up to vote for these leaders who cling to God and abortion with no sense of irony, our pastors remain silent.  Because politics.

I do not write this to take a swipe at Mr.Lucado, this is more about what he represents – a pastoral generation of men, lulled into hyper unawareness, who step aside in the face of the slaughter of millions of children, who we know have listened to politicians say they are Christian and then, to America’s largest provider of abortion, “God bless you”, without even a flutter.  Call yourself a Christian and wish God’s blessings on abortion providers, fine, but don’t make fun of handicaps or menstrual cycles or so help me, I will stop this car.

Abortion is not a legal matter, though it is handled in courts.  It is not a medical procedure, though it is carried out by physicians.  Abortion is murder.  It comes with lots of complicated back stories, but the bottom line is that it is a deliberate end to a unique, God created life.  We have lost 54,000,000 individuals in this country since 1973.  Fifty four million.  Would it feel heavier if I said fifty four million and one and that one had brown hair, freckles, and loved pickles?

Though it is not heavily covered on the front pages, the abortion industry has been under a lot of heat recently.  Thousands are tirelessly working to see an end to this horror and they are gaining ground.  We are now at 10 states who have cut funding to Planned Parenthood, the Wal-Mart of abortion providers, and many more are in talks to do the same.  The Center for Medical Progress produced several high quality and massively damning videos which look inside the practices of America’s abortion providers.  The unedited and edited versions of these videos, which expose fetal organ sales, deliberate forcing of breach presentation to ensure better organ harvesting (highly dangerous and illegal practice) have been available since early summer and they are not going away.  In addition to their work, there have been others who have gone undercover multiple times to expose evidence of abortions offered to underage girls who are likely victims of sex trafficking.  An estimated 100,000 underage girls become involved in sex trafficking in the United States every year.  Before their eighteenth birthday these girls are subjected to several abortions and no abortion doctors speak up to maybe, I don’t know, STOP THE TRAFFICKING.  (If you think the videos are not damning or you believe that they are edited to make abortion providers look bad, I am going to suggest that you only hold that opinion because you have not watched one and are depending on the reviews from others who have also not watched them.   Just  watch one.  For more on Planned Parenthood’s known involvement in child sex trafficking, go here.)

The day will soon come when truth wins and the bright light of day shines on the hideous face of our infant slaughter, just as the light of day shone on the sins of slavery.  If you are a leader in the Christian community, this is the time to stop ignoring abortion.  It does not mean that you need to have pro-life rallies in your worship center or even wear a ribbon when you preach, but let your words show that you are aware that God’s oldest enemy is actively killing babies and, when a politician waves a Bible and boasts of their commitment to the murder of innocence, let that trump all other reasons to clear your throat and speak up.  End the infanticide and watch God cleanse this land.



*I wrote this back in March when it was a trending topic.  I hate treading these waters, so I delayed posting.  Please, leaders, Jezebel is ravenous for our young and our men shrug in fear.  Where is our Elijah?


I did not turn the comments off on this post.  I appear to be having a site issue with comments, because of course I am.

I’m No Gossip, But I Have This One Friend…

May 27, 2014

I had no idea that I had a raging problem with gossip until this past year.  For the purpose of this post, I define gossip as any kind of talk about a person or institution that is unhelpful, harmful, or slanderous.  (I just typed that and realized that it is a pretty standard definition.  Whatever.)

I spent the last year kind of checked out of personal relationships outside of immediate family.  I did not do this for the purpose of rehabilitating my gossiping ways, but because I needed time to heal my mind and emotions after 18 years with MS and then the very real trauma of having an international bone marrow transplant to get rid of the MS.  I’d go back to Russia and do the whole thing again in a heartbeat if I had to, but there is no denying that the experience was way bigger than I was prepared to deal with in a social setting.

Being checked out of the fast paced world of girls’ night out and meeting up for coffee made me keenly aware of how often those get togethers devolved into lengthy conversations about people – bless their hearts.  Even worse was when I realized that talking about others was my own personal default setting for chats.  I never considered it gossip for a couple of reasons: 1) I was going to talk about the person’s problems in an effort to try and help that person.  2) I would never want my words to hurt others and my intentions made all the difference, right?

Here is what I now know: talking about people is almost never helpful.  I say “almost” because there are a few instances when talking about others is extremely helpful.  Examples: 1) “Hey, do you guys think it looks like Suzy is choking?  Hey!  She is choking!  Let’s heimlich maneuver her back to life!”  2) “Don’t tell Pam, but I’m buying her a new car.”  3) “Because her drinking is out of control, and we are among her most trusted and loved friends, we should have a loving talk with her.”

All the instances I just mentioned involved one final outcome: the person of topic is eventually made aware in a loving manner of the behind their back conversations.  In all of the mentioned scenarios, the person is only being talked about because of genuine concern and love.

Gossip also involves love and concern, but it is love and concern for self.  Talking about the failures of others highlights my own lack of failure in the same area.   I can easily convince myself that I am a health nut if I only talk about the idiot Mom I saw feeding her kids high fructose corn syrup, bless her heart.  I can excuse my own hoarding by exposing the obscene hoarding of others.  I can easily forgive my occasional bouts of anger when I spend hours discussing how others have a problem controlling their own.  Give me enough idle hours picking someone apart, and I can even become convinced that I am the very hero who needs to sit that person down for a chat about how far they have fallen.  (Chats born of such gossip never end well.  I am ashamed to admit how many times I’ve had to repeat that occurrence to realize it.)

I like talking about ideas and this often means discussing the people who present the ideas.  That’s okay.  I like talking about ways the Church can be more effective in spreading the Gospel and this sometimes means talking about the ways it is failing.  That is okay.  I like sharing recipes and that sometimes means talking about people I know who are terrible cooks and have no business pretending they are good at it.  That is not okay.

It is extremely rare for talking about someone to be a good and helpful thing.  It is extremely common for it to end miserably for all involved.  It grieves me to know that I’m a gossiper and I flinch at the memories of certain conversations.  This blog post comes to you from my recovery ward and I hope it causes all of us to consider a different level of chatter.